Stag Home Brewmaster

Dear Stag Home Brewer,

These Stag Home Brew secrets have been passed down through generations of Stag Brewers. You are now part of a privileged group.
Go forth and enjoy with your fellow staggers and make me proud.  
 
The Stag Brew Master

Stag HomeBrew Checklist

Planning and Preparation Fermentation vessel with airlock – either 11.5 litre or 23 litre. Each 11.5 litres is roughly equivalent to one crate of piss Brew kit – purchase from your local brewing shop, or supermarket. Should come with dried yeast sachet  A temperature controlled environment – fermentation should take place at approximately 15C, but this may depend on the brew variety and yeast used12-15 750 ml vessels. Either plastic vessels with screw top lids (preferred), or crate bottles (need to purchase crowns and crowner) Sugar, New Zealand made One topless female, for assisting with bottling process Temperature gauge – the best vessels have them mounted on the side Hydrometer to track alcohol content Cleaning equipment – brushes, detergents, SO2 sterilant * Extra for experts: pelletised hops, fresh yeast, beer-flavoured lubricant

The Process

Instruct topless assistant to clean all vessels & bottles. Then sterilise them, then do it again. Very important – the major source of home brew failure is bacteria Dilute brew kit with hot water. The ‘brew kit’ is essentially vacuum-evaporated wort. Hence diluting the sugary substrate reverses the packing process Once temperature has reached optimal, add yeast and request apply beer-flavoured lubricant to both topless assistants, who should now perform the ancient brewing chest rub If hops have been sourced, boil jug and make a hop slurry. Dry hop into vessel. Take hydrometer measurement. Ensure vessel is airtight, and top airlock is in place. Keep tabs on vessel like it is your baby. Keep it to temperature, bring friends around to watch the airlock bubble. Take photos and keep a journal. When bubbling stops, primary fermentation is complete. Use hydrometer to assess alcohol content. NZStag recommends 5%ABV or greater. Add teaspoon of sugar to each bottle, and decant beer into bottle ready for secondary fermentation. Ensure lid is airtight. The beer will increase in alcohol content and become carbonated during secondary fermentation. Place beer bottles in cold & dark storage, for a minimum of 2 weeks. Entertain yourself during this period with aforementioned topless assistants

Tips for Drinking the Stag Brew

Pour entire bottle in one steady motion – do not unsettle yeast or face yeasty peril. Clean bottle immediately after pour. This may appear anal, however dried yeast in the bottle can never be fully cleaned, and bacteria will destroy subsequent brews. Always drink from a vessel – beer flavour is 80% aroma, 20% taste. Only ever drink with mates, and choose drinking location wisely – there may only be 12 bottles of this brew ever made, and you may never reach these dizzy heights again. Rue the fact that you gave the Stag Party Wildcard a glass of stag brew, when you should have given him an RTD. Drink from left hand, pinky finger raised, firm grip at all times. Discuss the finer points of your brewing technique with fellow Staggers, and ponder what could have been, if only you had added green bullet hops. Warnings Do not dilute your beer with lemonade. Ever. Shandy’s destroy the value of a beer. If you are partial to a shandy, you have no place reading this section of the NZStag website, click here to link to the N'Sync homepage where you will clearly feel more at home. Soft Cock. Drink your Stag brew, all the while plotting the next batch of Stag brew.

Go make me proud. The Stag Brewmaster